just pickung up the last thoughts,
from the floor,
out of the air
and sometimes I hit them
on my way to the door.
...
they say nature awakens in springtime,
she was never dead.
she was just ticking over
or slept.
catered for every circumstance,
she behaves peculiarly.
and we humans,
being part of nature, follow this idiosyncrasy,
holing up in our houses,
disguising,
carrying little roofs with us,
to find shelter from any contact with her,
lying apathetically in front of the TV.
but we aren't dead either,
just ticking over?
we sleep more,
have a rest,
take a break.
to bloom in full glory in summertime,
to bear fruit,
to cause little miracles,
and then
go back to just ticking over
and not being dead
in winter.
I like the idea you have here, but I think you could shorten it all, bring it more to the point... for example, you don't need the "just" and the "and" in the first stanza. And in the second, I would go with "she was never dead, she just slept" I think that would round it up quite nicely...
AntwortenLöschenI actually like the fact that you're not bringing it to the point here. You keep on track what you say in the first stanza: "just picking up some thoughts". Thus, it must not be some elaborated piece and is still working - with all the ands and justs there, too.
AntwortenLöschenMy fav word here is: idiosyncrasy. Where did you catch that up?
However, what might be pointed out better is the circle of nature (in humans as in seasons) you're describing here.