Who knows where time goes when
she’s gone
What love is when she dawns
Or death when he comes to get
what is his
Who knows why music sometimes
comes alive
How simple words cut throats like
knives
Why treacherous handshakes start
a war
Who knows how clouds look before
they’re born
Why your young hands look so old
and worn
Why some men love small children
more than justice
Who knows why you never give me
enough room
What flowers think when they want
to bloom
why the opium of some kills a thousand
innocents
All those questions remain
unanswered
Are they all asked in vain?
One simple question lingers:
If we knew it, would we
change?
Ok, so here are some thoughts:
AntwortenLöschenI love the first and second stanza. In the third, I wasn't too happy about the last line. It completely ruins the rhythm - in my opinion - especially the "more than justice" part... how about "a little too much" instead? Would that work? in the third, I would suggest shortening the last line to "why the opium of a few can kill thousands" I don't think you need the "innocents"
And the last line kind of falls a little... how about "If we knew how, would we change a thing?" Or maybe even leave out the questions at the end, or simply end with "all those questions still unanswered" or something like that... just some ideas ;) Let us know how it develops!
this has somehow passed my! I really like it!!! the last stanza is a wee bit too different from the rest for my taste.
AntwortenLöschenI really think this could be something big!