Impossible moments
of groaning
Of rhythm
Of breath
Off-beat
Inhaling your
exhalation
Inhaling
mine
Our bodies fusing
in exudation
In appetite
In knowledge
In fury
Banning
your taboos
Ban mine
You fiend
of communality
Of craving
Of
nostalgia
Off-time
Reducing this
to premorses
Reduce mine
hey there! this is very interesting and nice to read. there are very little words that keep me imagining my own story. I will not elaborate on that at the moment ;)
AntwortenLöschenanyhow, I think that toward the end, the "off-time" is, to my mind, a little out of "beat" to be honest. Maybe a word/expression with more syllables would fit.
the same thing with "reduce mine". I dunno but I don't think that should end the poem. it's so out of line, I dunno...
let's see if somebody else has an idea!
I see what you mean and I'll work on it. Thanks for your reply!
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